Dependency

I am addicted, dependent,
Subservient to a will that is not my own -
A toxic far worse than any alcohol or narcotic
As my spirit whips and wallops with sorrow and agony
It once swirled and waltzed with optimism and glee
I am like the drunkard
Who no longer can taste the sweetness of his brew
Who no longer finds joy and frolic upon it's taste
Who finds numbness where intoxication once was.
No longer does he want to drink, no longer does he desire it
Now his affliction goes beyond mere want
Now he must have his drink
As I must have this thing that commands me
For it is now a need, seeming as necessary as breath
How is one to live without breathing?
And yet, ill I am at it's consumption...
I yearn to break free from it's dominion
But how my soul fears what lies outside it's grasp.

01/12/00